Relationships: Wise, Healthy, or Controlling?

Welcome and Opening Question

Welcome everyone, explain that there is no pressure to share personal stories, and invite quick answers to: “What is one quality you value in a good friend?”

Leader line: “Relationships can bring some of our greatest joy and some of our hardest decisions. Today we will practise seeking wisdom together.”

Game 1: This or That — Relationship Edition

Purpose: create movement and laughter while showing that people connect and handle tension differently.

How: point to opposite sides of the room for each choice. Participants move, then invite one or two brief explanations.

1. Texting or talking face-to-face?
2. A few close friends or a large friend group?
3. Plan everything or be spontaneous?
4. Talk through conflict right away or take time first?
5. Give advice or simply listen?
6. Similar personalities or different personalities?

Debrief: How can differences strengthen a relationship? How can unspoken assumptions create conflict?

Case Study Carousel

Use: Relationship Case Studies, adapted from the latest Y-Group discussion handout.

Put one case in each corner. Groups spend about eight minutes at each station: read, choose two questions, and leave one piece of advice on a sticky note.

• A: Everyone Is Doing It — peer pressure and belonging.
• B: But They’re a Really Good Person — dating and shared faith.
• C: If You Really Loved Me — pressure, boundaries, and manipulation.
• D: The Screenshot — betrayal, forgiveness, and rebuilding trust.

Safety note: If someone describes coercion, threats, abuse, or fear, do not leave them to handle it alone. Listen calmly and involve an appropriate trusted adult or professional support.

Short Break

Offer water, reset the room, and check quietly with anyone who appeared uncomfortable during the case studies.

Discovery Bible Study: James 3:13-18

Read twice. First reading: listen. Second reading: notice every word that describes the two kinds of wisdom and the results they produce.

• What stands out?
• What does this show about wisdom from God?
• What does envy or selfish ambition produce?
• Which qualities of wisdom make a relationship healthy?
• Which case study does this passage speak into most clearly?
• What would it look like to be “peace-loving” without avoiding truth or boundaries?
• If this is true, what should change in one relationship this week?

Leader bridge: “Biblical wisdom is more than making the clever choice. We recognize it by its character and by the fruit it produces.”

Build the WISER Relationship Filter

Use: WISER Filter Printout. Read each question, invite participants to rewrite it in their own words, then test the filter on one case study.

• Where: Where is this relationship leading me?
• Integrity: Is there honesty, trust, and consistency?
• Safety: Can I say no and set boundaries without fear or pressure?
• Encouragement: Does this encourage faith, wisdom, and healthy growth?
• Repair: When harm happens, is there honest repentance and patient rebuilding?

Personal Response

Give two quiet minutes. Participants may keep their answers private.

• One relationship I thank God for:
• One way I can become a wiser friend:
• One boundary or honest conversation I may need:
• One trusted person I can ask for help:
• One WISER question I need this week:

Prayer and Close

Invite one-word prayer requests: wisdom, courage, trust, boundaries, healing, forgiveness, friendship, or peace. Close by asking God to form relationships marked by truth, mercy, courage, and the good fruit described in James.